She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
