Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
