I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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