it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Help. Why am I so naked?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
