I think my fart just growled at me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
