I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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