So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
