I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
where does the pee come out of this thing
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
