Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
