escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
