We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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