words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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