Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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