i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
