my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
