I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
