Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
