There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Please, let me fuck your mom
what day is it and did you see me today?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
