I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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