i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
