So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
