Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
