Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
