K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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