so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sext me about skeletons
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
