No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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