Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
