And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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