last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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