Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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