ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
