can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
