nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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