a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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