And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
