I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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