Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
