I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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