he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Welp...herpes.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
