I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
