Its about making memories worth repressing
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
