Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just pee around me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
