three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
