I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
