i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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