i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
