a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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