ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
