You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
People with herpes should wear stickers.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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