I wannas sexs uuuuu
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
