Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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