Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
