I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
